The Dawg Father Returns: Browns Name Joe Flacco Week 1 Starter vs. Bengals in AFC North Shockwave
📍Cleveland | August 18, 2025
BREAKING — THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The Cleveland Browns have just lit a quarterback firestorm, naming 40-year-old Joe Flacco as their Week 1 starter against Joe Burrow and the rival Cincinnati Bengals—and the internet is already short-circuiting.
After months of speculation, cryptic pressers, and training camp tea leaves, the Browns have finally done it: they’re going full #FlaccoMode to open the season.
🗣️ “Call him washed at your own risk,” one fan yelled, holding a homemade “JOECOASTER 2025” sign outside training camp.
🧓 QB1 at 40? Midlife Crisis? Nope—Midfield Crisis.
Just 18 months ago, Flacco was playing dad-taxi and watching RedZone from his couch. Now? He’s back under center and ready to sling missiles across the middle against one of the AFC’s most dangerous defenses.
💬 “I’ve still got bullets in the chamber,” Flacco reportedly told teammates. “And I’m aiming at Cincinnati.”
⚔️ Bengals vs. Browns: The Battle Just Got Personal
The Battle of Ohio was already spicy. Now it’s nuclear. It’s Joe vs. Joe, calm vs. chaos, Burrow vs. Boomerang-Flacco, who came back from football purgatory to haunt another season.
🧃 Flacco’s Preseason Diet:
- 7 cups of black coffee a day
- Film from 2012
- Zero tolerance for TikTok dances in the locker room
📣 Twitter Reactions (aka pure madness):
- “JOE FLACCO STARTING? I JUST FLIPPED MY DESK.”
- “This is either genius or pure insanity… I’m here for both.”
- “Joe Flacco playing Week 1 in 2025 is the plot twist I didn’t know I needed.”
- “If Flacco beats Burrow… I’m getting his face tattooed on my calf.”
🏈 Game Info:
- 📅 Sept. 7, 2025
- 🏟️ Cleveland Browns Stadium
- 🆚 Cincinnati Bengals
- 📺 Sunday Night Football – Prime Time Chaos Incoming
🐶 Browns’ New Rally Cry:
“Old Man. New Plan. Let Joe Cook.”
